even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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