Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
