No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Mom said you looked used
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
