It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Sponge bath it is.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
