This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
