She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize