i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
cat food counts as protein by the way
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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