I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i think i just lost a toe
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
