where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
