my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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