Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize