ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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