I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
