apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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