After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize