Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
