She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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