i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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