I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
