omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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