Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
