we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
