Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
