Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
