yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
