Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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