Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize