you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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