watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize