holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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