I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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