batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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