That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
