If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
