btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
