i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
false alarm. still invincible.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
