i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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