i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
