apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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