dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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