he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
