Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
