So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
