So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
