You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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