2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
