Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
