you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
