Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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