He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
