he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Dick very happy bro
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
