; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
