They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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