OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
