Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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