My room smells like vodka and shame
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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