You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I deserve this hangover.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
