no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
