Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
