the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
