True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
