capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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