Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
