I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
