i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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