At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize