I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
there's paper in my vomit.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
