Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
