So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize