He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
