some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
