he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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