porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
