sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
