Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
