Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
