you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Randomize
