Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
