I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
