i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize