It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
