did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
