Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
