i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
