I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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