i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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