ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
