New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
