Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
