'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize