hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
