How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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