apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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