i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
