I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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