I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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